Some Suggested Jokes for the Riyadh Comedy Festival

America's top comedians are about to perform in a human rights black hole. They might as well be irreverent while doing it.

“Dave Chappelle“ by JiBs. is licensed under CC BY 2.0.

Over the next week, some of America’s top comedians — from Dave Chappelle to Bill Burr to Pete Davidson — will be performing at the Riyadh Comedy Festival.

You can’t blame the Saudis for inviting the kings of comedy to their country. This is a very funny lineup.

But the event has sparked controversy, with human rights groups bringing up pesky facts like the reality that Saudi Arabia has one of the world’s most repressive governments.

Foreign comedians who come and go can express themselves how they’d like, but Saudi citizens who would dare to mock the ruling family would quickly find themselves in a dungeon.

Other critics noted that there are still under-explored links between the Saudi government and the 9/11 attacks. Davidson, whose father was killed in those attacks, was unbothered when asked about the event on a recent podcast:

Davidson defended his decision to perform in a Sept. 23 interview on Theo Von’s “This Past Weekend” podcast and said that he’s heard of “subreddits of, ‘I think all these people are in bed with (the Saudi royal family).’”

“I just, I get the routing and then I see the number and I go, ‘I’ll go,’” Davidson said as he explained his reasoning for going. “I’ve been getting a little bit of of flack just ’cause my dad died in 9/11. So they’re like, ‘How could you possibly go there?’”

From a purely utilitarian perspective, Davidson’s reply makes sense. His father was killed in the 9/11 attacks. But now the Saudis are paying him a bunch of money to go perform for them. So that’s a net-positive, right?

Look, I’ve always been torn about these kinds of cultural boycotts. The average Saudi citizen has no control over what their government does. Should they really be denied the chance to see some great American performers because their government is full of human rights abusers?

But you can’t deny that the Riyadh Comedy Festival is an opportunity for the government to whitewash its record. Comedy festivals in the United States are usually not sponsored by the government for the purpose of promoting the rulers’ agenda. This one is.

I have a compromise for the comedians who are willing to take Saudi money to go and laugh it up with the government there over the next week. You guys are worldwide superstars. No matter what you say, you probably won’t get the Khashoggi treatment.

So why not take the opportunity to be the very best that comedians can be — irreverent in the face of power?

Here’s some suggested jokes:

• So I’ve always heard Saudi Arabia is kinda homophobic. But then I saw MBS in one of those giant robes he likes to wear. He’s got dozens of ‘em. Don’t tell me a straight man has that kind of wardrobe.

• Y’all spent years bombing Yemen, the poorest country in the Middle East. That’s kind of the opposite of walking into prison and hitting the biggest dude you see, isn’t it? I mean, Tel Aviv and Istanbul were right there. You guys kinda walked into the region and punched the special needs midget in the face, didn’t you?

• I’d do a moment of silence for Jamal Khashoggi but I don’t want anyone losing their heads.

• (For black comics) As soon as I walked out of the airport a guy driving a BMW tried to hand me his suitcase. He thought I was a migrant worker! I had to tell him I’m black, not broke. Once he realized who I was, guy put his whip down and took a selfie.

• (For female comics) I heard you guys can have four wives. Is Bin Salman on Tinder? As long as he keeps the paychecks coming I will not say a word about the slaves building our living room.

If you’re going to take a paycheck from some of the world’s most corrupt people, you might as well piss them off while you’re doing it.